The Onion has the scoop on Goldman Sachs’ new CSR offensive, namely the hiring of a single employee with moral integrity to sit in an office entirely segregated from the rest of the company’s employees and take ethically grounded decisions his colleagues will resoundingly ignore:
“We are very pleased to welcome Mr. Kohler, who will be adhering to the letter of the law in a workspace physically detached from the rest of our firm’s operations,” public relations chief Richard Siewert said during a press conference. “He’ll be joining a select group of 33,000 talented individuals at Goldman Sachs as our sole employee not motivated purely by the pursuit of obscene wealth at the expense of society.”
“While Mr. Kohler won’t be attending a single meeting or influencing any of our business decisions, we’re confident his acute sense of professional integrity will prove a valuable asset,” Siewert continued. “He will technically be on our staff, collecting a paycheck, and that’s really all that counts.”
TN readers are advised to touch up their resumes – if the trend holds perhaps sovereign agricultural investment funds will soon be sniffing around.